31 and 32 Weeks

These past few weeks may have been my favorite so far.  They haven't been the easiest, but they have been the ones that I have enjoyed the most and I think it's because I really feel pregnant, all of the time.  I remember during my second trimester, I would wake up in the morning and feel my belly to see if I was really pregnant.  I felt so normal that I almost thought every morning that I had dreamt the whole pregnancy thing.  These last few weeks, I have shifted in balance, felt really huge, and can definitely tell there is a difference in endurance during the day (Did I say I feel huge?  NONE of my clothes fit!  I feel like I wear the same thing over and over and over again, and by that I mean I wear my husband's clothes now.  My 32 weeker is my "pregnancy uniform"- leggings and one of his old fraternity shirts.  Love it).
Little Miss is so big now that I can feel her moving all day long.  I can push on my tummy just slightly and feel her little body, and she will usually push back.  Her movements seem to have so much more of a pattern and purpose now, like when she feels her Daddy's hand on my belly- she totally stops moving and I like to think she's resting in his warmth (or that's what I tell him when he pouts because she won't move for him).
I had quite a few contractions during week 31, and after my doctor's appointment I realized that my husband is right when he says to "slow down".  I am definitely used to being the type of person that gets things checked off the to do list quickly- I like to be pretty active and get things done.  But, all that got me that week was a few hours of contractions.  It's getting to the point in this pregnancy where if I choose to be as active as I usually am, the next day I will spend the majority of daylight in my bed. So, we have been learning to stay home more, take breaks more, and rest more, even if it means laying down but not falling asleep.  Plus, I know I have to get used to that knowing I can't gogogo with a newborn (or 3 month old, or one year old!).  I've got a few more things to sew, so staying home is right where I'd like to be.
I took a breastfeeding class as the hospital during week 32 and, I have to say, it was amazing.  I highly recommend taking one if you can.  A friend recommended it after I told her I was thinking about taking one, and she was so right!  It was taught at my hospital by a lactation consultant who is a leader in our city's La Leche League.  We got to practice nursing positions with cabbage patch dolls, which I thought was great.  I had lots of questions and she answered every one.  All I have to say is that I am beyond excited to nurse my little baby.

A friend of mine blogged a sweet discovery she had made that her newborn baby was born one year to the day that she miscarried her last.  She had blogged about how redemptive and cleansing the Lord is in her life.  At the time I had read it, I realized that one year ago at this time, we were miscarrying our own little baby and wept at those thoughts, too.  It is a very odd feeling watching your body build this life and grow in ways that make you look in the mirror and not recognize what you see.  You worry about the weight, you see clothing in the closet and wonder if you'll ever be able to wear it again.  You hope your husband finds you just as attractive as he did before.  It's easy for me to look at myself and look at the "pregnant" models in magazines (that I swear aren't really pregnant) and be disappointed in myself.  It's easy for me to get carried away thinking about my little girl being here and me "getting my body back".  But these last few weeks, I realized, like my friend, how redemptive the Lord has been in my life.  He took every ounce of pain we felt, ever tear we cried at night, and every ache that broke us for a child and gave us this little life.  Just a year ago we were holding each other in bed, feeling the crushing pain of losing a child, wishing we could crawl to heaven to be with Jesus, too.  Instead of looking down at my belly and seeing a baby's grave, I see my little girly wiggling and kicking my belly.  These days, we are shopping for a car seat, filling the freezer with food, and packing our bags to meet the girl of our dreams in a few short weeks.  I am so, so grateful for pregnancy.  I am grateful for heartburn, for stretch marks, for achy hips and a chubby face.  My thighs may rub now,  but I know my body is storing up energy to make milk for my baby.  My baby.  I can't wait to see her and touch her and smell her, but I will surely miss being pregnant.