39 Weeks

Today we are 40 weeks along and have hit the due date-and I completely forgot to post our 39 week update yesterday!

Our 40-week OB appointment was actually at 39 weeks and 6 days.  Everyone was so surprised to see us!  Our doctors were sure I'd not make it this far.  They aren't sure how much lower the baby could get without falling out!  She must be holding on for dear life in there.  I am 2 cm dilated (still) and 75% effaced (still) and "super soft", whatever that means.  My mucus plug started to come out Sunday afternoon and is completely gone now.  When the doctor checked me, she said she could feel the baby's hair!  I clearly know I am having a child and will be caring for a little baby girl any day now.  But all the ultrasounds, the kicks-it's all like a dream to me.  I still feel completely normal and comfortable, almost forgetting I am pregnant sometimes, so maybe that's part of it.  But when she said she could feel hair, I had to physically stop myself from saying, "Um, there is a BABY IN THERE?!!?"  I still can't believe this is happening to us.  We deserve so little and yet are blessed not because of what we deserve but because our Lord is so gracious and good.  It blows my mind.

I haven't been having a lot of contractions since 38 weeks.  I had quite a few yesterday and thought maybe if they could stick around, it may have been the Big Day.  They fizzled out.  I walked way too much yesterday trying to get her out, and all it got me was feeling like my pelvis was broken in half and needing help to roll all of this acreage over in bed.  We have an induction scheduled for Monday the 21st if she doesn't come before then, which is fine by me.  I hear there is a full moon this weekend, so hoping old wives tales work in my favor and she is here by the end of it.

This week I kind of hit a new emotional level regarding parenting and being a mother.  I can tell my hormones are in high gear and making me emotional, but there was just this sense of arrival I had over the weekend.  We started a new series in Ephesians at church recently, and it is so, so good.  With this baby coming, and really understanding (but not really-I mean no one will until we are face to face with Jesus!) and hearing of the assurance we have in Christ and the inheritance we are as his people-I don't know.  It hit me hard.  I think of this little girl, how much we already treasure her so.  I can think of nothing I wouldn't do for her, to protect her, to teach her, to make her know my love for her and make her understand one day how much we wanted her for so long-all of those emotions, I know the Lord has for his children and he has for me and for her.  I so often tell myself I am not worthy of being loved that way, but then I think of her and how much I love her already, and I start to see a glimpse of what that love is like.  To know Christ as the Lord's Son, to know he traded Him for me in Christ's death, as an inheritance, just leaves me in a place I am unfamiliar with.  Knowing parenting will be the hardest thing we will do, but also knowing it will teach us these kinds of lessons brings me to tears.  I cannot wait for this little girl to be here.